You can call it a New Year's Resolution, but I'd rather not.

First, here is my confession: I don’t think I am very good at the whole goal thing. I do accomplish what I put my mind to, but it seems that I have a lot of lofty ideas that never actually make it to a goal, a plan, or a priority. Goal setting tips are easy enough; write the goal down, be specific, break it down into smaller steps, reward yourself (I will say I am pretty good at this one), and yet I don’t do most of them. I have found that when I am unable to do something that is simple it is because there is something deeper there. I took a good, hard, long, and yes even painful look at what was going on for me. I realized there were a lot of pitfalls blocking something simple from taking place. So I am writing my own rules for goal setting.

Rule #1: I get to choose the goals I want. This may sound silly; why would we make and try to keep a goal that we didn’t want? Yet I am willing to bet that many of our goals come from those around us and not from within ourselves. We see someone else, compare ourselves to them and then think, I should be doing what they are doing. In reality I may have absolutely no internal desire to do what they are doing. I am throwing out what it seems like I should be doing and I am going to pick something I really want to do. It is going to connect with me. It is going to feel right. My internal motivation will be there because it will be mine.

Rule #2: My success will no longer be determined by the completion of the goal but measured by the progress and growth from attempting and trying. Goals seem to be either pass or fail. Therefore, if I keep my goals locked away in my mind, I keep myself safe from failure. I tell myself that no one can see them; that I have not failed because they are just ideas. My mind gives me safety from failure. But that safety is an illusion. What I really get is no progress, no growth, and failure because there was no attempt. I am changing my core belief to any attempt, even a failed attempt, is a success. Now I am free. I am free to try. And I am free to fail. But more importantly I am free to succeed.

Rule #3: My goals are changeable. Have you ever set a goal, started it and then realized that particular goal was just not for you? At the same time you couldn’t just erase that goal from your list because then you would be abandoning, giving up, or quitting. Well I will no longer be bound by the goal. I give myself permission to change, alter, or adjust any goal I have made. Changing a goal does not mean quitting. Changing a goal does mean finding something that connects better with me, it means being true to myself, and it means finding and connecting with what I truly desire.

Rule #4: The way I achieve my goal will be beautiful. My goal may not be hard for you. You may do it perfectly. But it will be hard for me, and I may never do it perfectly. But I am learning that I can do it in my own beautiful way. Beautiful never meant perfect. It will be beautiful because I am doing it.

These are my rules. They are true for me. They are what I need to overcome my barriers. What barriers are you facing? What rules or core beliefs need to be changed so that you can succeed?

With all of you as my witness, I am taking one of my ideas out of the safety of my mind. I will run the Utah Valley Half Marathon on June 11, 2011. I will run it in my own beautiful way. I can change this goal if I find this truly isn’t what connects with me. This won’t mean quitting but that I have found something else that connects more. My success will be determined by the journey and progress and not solely by the end result. This is what I want. This will challenge me. I choose to try, to attempt, and to risk and therefore, I choose to succeed.

Those are my rules. They are a little bit harder to follow than the top ten tips for goal setting, but then they are asking me to do harder things. They make me face reality, face my fears, and face the possibility of failure. Take a good look at your resolutions. Then take a good, hard, long and yes even painful look at your barriers, your pitfalls, and your world. I promise the journey will be hard, but oh so worth it!