The other day I had a client tell me, "I would never tell this to anyone but you." I don't necessarily think she/he felt that way so much because of me and who I am or our relationship (although I do think those things helped) but more so the setting we are in and what that means. Naturally the place that you would share the stuff they wouldn't share with pretty much anybody else would be in your counselor or therapist's office. That is their job. And what you tell them comes with a guaranteed seal that it will stay in that room. I think we all have stuff that we don't just tell everyone, including those people really close to us. I don't necessarily think there is anything wrong with that (as long as it stays within healthy limits... it's hard to have an intimate relationship with someone if you don't tell them anything). And I still remember the day I shared some stuff with my therapist that I haven't shared with anyone else. And boy did it feel good!
It felt good because I believe it was a healing experience. I am not entirely sure why this healing takes place in this way. But I think this healing happens in two phases. The first phase is you just saying it out loud. In that moment you are doing so many different things; owning it, accepting it (at least to some degree), you've identified it, labeled it, and I am sure more. Now the second healing comes in the reaction of the person in whom you have confided. Ideally they would respond with love and acceptance of you as a person. I think we are often afraid that we won't get that from people and that is why we keep things in. We are scared we will be judged, rejected, and hurt. And sometimes knowing that we are paying our therapist to respond 'the right way' gives us the courage we need to open up and tell someone.
Sometimes the stuff that people share can be pretty heavy, but I hope everyone has a place they can share that stuff. And if you don't... or if you think what you have to share is too heavy for your loved ones, get in to see a counselor. You will be amazed at how good you will feel when you get it out of you. And if I were you I would do everything in your power to leave that stuff in their office and not take it out with you. Say it, get it out, and leave it! It is healing, I promise!
