The Ever Growing Pregnancy To Do List

Sometimes it is so overwhelming being pregnant! I am pretty sure I have come to the conclusion, and try to be ok with it, that there is no way to do everything I am 'suppose' to do while pregnant. It was probably the most frustrating my first trimester when I was so sick... I could barely do anything and everyone had something I needed to start doing right away. And yes, I admit it, I felt guilty for not doing it all. I know lots can relate to that. Whether it is pregnancy, school, work, cleaning, church, or whatever it is easy to 'should' ourselves and feel bad for not doing/being enough.

Just to give you an idea of what I am up against, here are some of the things I am suppose to add to my already full day (I know, it's weird that before I got pregnant I wasn't just sitting around waiting to fill my day with my pregnancy to do's).
Take your prenatal vitamin (and spend lots of money on other nutritional supplements and don't forget to take those even when just the thought of swallowing a pill makes you gag). Have I mentioned that I'm just horrible at remembering and being consistent taking pills?
Drink raspberry tea every single day. Preferable a quart. Seriously? Who actually does that? I am lucky if I get a cup in.... Once in a while.
Eat protein. At least 75 grams a day and more is great. Oh and keep track of it. I am consistently thinking about eating and making sure everything I eat at least has something with protein in it. I usually feel better when I am eating protein so I think I am pretty good at this one (now anyway, when I was in my first trimester protein was the last thing I wanted to eat: gag). However, I am not good at tracking it. I consider it a blessing that I have never been a tracker, not of servings, calories, fat or anything and I don't want to start now! So I tracked my protein for a week (long enough for me to get an idea about how much I'm getting daily), and I feel good that most days I am hitting my quota and going over other days. No guilt here!
Keep a daily log of your babies movements. Track 10 baby movements and time how long it takes. So, I haven't even done this one yet. When I heard about it I was only 22 weeks and movement was pretty inconsistent. I was told to start around 24 weeks. I am now 25 weeks. Haven't started yet. 
Do 120 kegels everyday. 120! Seriously? I have no idea how long this would take cause I haven't done it that many times yet. What is hard for me is remembering to do it. I'm currently trying to create some ritual where I am reminded to do my kegels. It just always seems like I'm behind.
Squats. Do them. I can't remember how many squats I'm 'suppose' to do everyday (which should also tell you that I haven't done them!). I do squats. Sometimes. During other workouts or with Marshall, but I guarantee it is not the quota they have given me.
Pelvic thrust. I think it is 60 a day. Maybe it's 120. Obviously I have yet to do that many in one day. I usually try to do some when I am working out. But clearly it is not enough. 
Workout. Daily. Let's be honest this should be everyone's goal, all the time. But let's also be honest and just say it doesn't always happen. I have only really made working out a priority since my mission, and I am sure like so many others, I have gone back and forth at how consistent I am. The challenge with pregnancy and exercise is that sometimes I am really tired, or just don't feel physically well and working out is the last thing I want to do. Plus you hear different things. Do prenatal yoga everyday. Don't forget toning and cardio. And you still need to do kegels, squats and pelvic thrusts. It's just a lot. And if I did it all, I am sure I would be working out for an hour and a half everyday. Time... Apparently I need more of it. I swear I try. But I always come up short. 
Listen to your hypnobabies CDs everyday and do your finger drop practices daily. I realize this may not apply to everyone, but we have decided to use hypnobabies to help us achieve our goal of a natural birth. If I did all that I was 'suppose' to do with hypnobabies it would easily take me 45 min to an hour. Everyday. Once again... Time. I need it. 

I wish that we're the end of the list, but you and I know it isn't. In fact you are probably thinking of other things I should be doing on a regular basis; coconut oil to prevent stretch marks, doctor appointments (which I am doing, don't worry, but just didn't mention), walk, self-care, eat healthy generally, educate yourself on birth and birthing interventions, register, sew stuff for baby, tour the hospital, make a birth plan, and the list really could go on and on. And as important as your advice may be for me, please don't tell me. I can't add anything to my list right now. I promise I will ask you when I am ready for more. I am already falling short and I just can't add something else to my list to just fail at.

And I guess, really this is life. When do we have enough time? When are we not stressed by something? And when do we not wonder if we are doing enough? So... Cope. It's probably not about figuring out how to get it all done, but in figuring out how to be ok when you don't get it done and are stressed. So, I'll keep trying to do as much as I can. But guess what I tell myself when I get overwhelmed with my pregnancy to do list? People have been having babies far longer than these techniques have been around. They did it without hypnobabies and prenatal vitamins. They did it without birth plans and registries. I just remind myself that I will be ok, and my baby too.

This, That, and the Other

So... do you know how many blog posts I have started and not completed and are therefore not on this blog for your reading pleasure? I do. A lot. So in an attempt to just post something here are some random thoughts I have had lately (I really hope this gets finished and posted!).

I went running today. I had to cross Lehi Main Street a few times. Usually we wait a few minutes for either a break in traffic to cross or for someone to stop for us. Today, each time I went to cross, the first car stopped for me in both directions, every time. Conclusion: I am definitely showing and people are generally nice to pregnant women. Thanks drivers!

I am learning more and more every day that I really am a cheap person and it is hard for me to spend money. This means that I usually end up buying cheap things multiple times before I finally realize it is worth paying the money for the better quality stuff. In all reality I have come a long way... but boy do I have a long way to go. The other night we were at Cafe Rio and we saw a family of 11. Yep 9 kids, 2 parents. That is 11 meals. And Cafe Rio is fairly inexpensive, but it still made me panic a little bit. Good thing they come one at a time (for the most part) and start out eating for free (if you go the breastfeeding route, which we plan to). Being cheap is probably one of the biggest reasons I try to be crafty. It's suppose to be cheaper that way. Oh but sometimes I wonder. Crafting seems expensive sometimes. Maybe I should take up extreme couponing. Marshall never comments about how much money I have spent. If anything it is the other way around. Maybe things will change one day... and maybe not.

I am getting really excited to have this little one. September can't seem to come soon enough. Not that we are ready, at all. I did buy my very first baby item. A stroller. It just made sense to buy what we probably wouldn't need for a couple months after baby comes, haha. What can I say? It was the item I was most stressed about. I just started researching different types and looking at KSL and found one for $60 in great condition that would normally be $400. I love saving money! I also made a nursing cover the other day! And bought material to make a car seat cover! We did have an ultrasound and we weren't even tempted to find out the gender. I hope things don't change later down the road, but we are feeling pretty confident with our decision. Baby is also moving pretty frequently now. It is so fun to feel, and Marshall is really enjoying that part.

Last weekend I made strawberry freezer jam for the first time! I have always wanted to make it, and for some reason thought it would be hard to make. It isn't. My friend Lindsay inspired me with a blog post about her first time making it and then the next day we got a 4lb box of strawberries on sale. It was meant to be. And it turned out so yummy! Homemade jam is the only way I will eat PB&J. It makes all the difference.

My birthday is less than a month away, and I am trying to think of fun things to do. I love birthdays and pretty much any thing we do within 2 weeks of my birthday (before or after it) I pretend is just for my birthday! I try to do something I have never done before with every birthday. Last year I got engaged and married so I just counted that. And this year I am pregnant so there are lots of new things. I am hoping we will be able to go boating that weekend, eat yummy food, and enjoy great company. Although I am sad that a lot of good friends are either moving right about now for good, or will at least be gone for the summer. I am sad to see them go, but I guess this means I will just need to have another birthday party when they get back at the end of the summer ;)

Hope you all have a wonderful Mother's day. I am celebrating this year as a Mom! Wahoo! My baby may not be in my arms yet but that first trimester was hard enough to count towards something! 

Dating Through a Marriage Lens

As you know I talk to a lot of married couples. Obviously they are sitting in my office, discussing the intimates of their personal relationship because they are dissatisfied to some level and want things to change. I think we as humans, have a natural tendency to focus on what other people are doing wrong. It only makes sense really that that is our natural reaction. And while that may not be the most efficient or productive use of our time for instigating change in their relationship, I find that getting that piece out in the open at the beginning of therapy allows the individual to feel heard and understood so that they can begin to look at their own flaws and how they are contributing to the mess.

Now a lot people complain about dumb stuff in their partner. And many times I want to look at them and say, "You are going to need to get over that one." But sometimes they bring up stuff and I think, 'Wow, I wish you would have been looking for that when you were dating because that would make marriage really hard.'  So this is my Dating 101 course. That's funny right? Course, yeah probably not. But here are some things that I think are important to look at when you are dating someone. I'd like to think these are the things that you don't hear everyday, and hope when my children are old enough to date I can look back at some of these posts and remember what is important in a potential spouse.

Maybe on another day and another post I will write about my fascination with dating from the therapist perspective, but we will save that for another day. Today I just wanted to share what I learned (or maybe was reminded) is an important trait to have in your spouse (aka YOURSELF) that will make marriage easier!

Find someone who can empathize with others and understand other's experiences. I guess those two things may mean the same thing... but maybe not. I don't think it is hard to see why this is important in a marriage. I mean, if my spouse can't understand why I would feel a certain way, he probably won't be able to understand why I would act a certain way, which would probably make him really frustrated, annoyed, and even angry with me. He may see things as my problem or my fault because he can only view the situation from his perspective and of course it looks that way from his point of view. Likewise if my husband does possess this quality he will be more likely to seek to understand why I feel or reacted a certain way. Understanding melts frustration, annoyance, and anger. So if my spouse can do that, and better yet if we can both do that, there will be less frustration, annoyance, and anger in our marriage.

However people are really good at pretending to do this when they are dating. Or maybe we aren't looking for it when we are dating, or maybe we aren't fighting, or maybe a million excuses of why people marry other people who appear incapable of understanding someone else's actions and emotions.

So what should you do? Everyone has someone they have a hard time with. Usually when you are dating them it's not you and they are not talking to you about you. But chances are they are talking to you about someone else. Their roommate, boss, sibling, parent, friend, co-worker, visiting teaching partner, etc. When that moment arises I would first respond with your own empathy for them, letting them know you get how frustrating that other person is. I would validate them and let them vent. Just let them get it all out. And just be on their side completely! Then when things start to settle down, when they have calmed a little bit, say something like, 'I wonder if they were just really sick (or whatever could have been going on for the person they are venting about), that would definitely explain why they were so short with you.' And just see. See if they can say, 'Yeah I think something must be going on for them. I know if I were sick I would have acted the same way.'

This may seem kinda dumb... like doesn't everybody do that already? Isn't is easy to see that people really have good intentions and they are not out to get you? Don't we all vent and then come to a place where we are able to understand and see things from the other person's perspective? No. We all don't. And chances are we could probably all be better at doing that. And while I can say a lot of people can and do do this. A lot of people don't. And trust me, it can cause a lot of havoc and heartache in your relationship and marriage if it is something you only notice after the I do's.