I am Marietta. I live in Provo Ut. I am 25. I am almost done with my Master's in Marriage and Family Therapy. I want to get a job at Center for Change. I am trying really hard to love running. I enjoy cooking. I like to sew and scrapbook. I pretend that I am a snowboarder and I enjoy it most of the time. I love boating and want to wake board more. I love Cafe Rio. Mornings are important to me. I feel better when I exercise, eat right, and study my scriptures. When I am upset or hurt I tend to stop talking. I have long hair, and refuse to cut it shorter than my shoulders. If I am tired I don't talk much either, good luck guessing whether I am tired, upset or hurt. I love laughing. I like to eat three meals a day. I am not much of a snack eater. I eat up compliments and praise. I love to read. I love talking about relationships. I believe nothing is more important than connecting with someone else. I enjoy a clean home. I have blue eyes. I am an aggressive driver. I love sandwiches... and chips. I love trying new things. The greatest gift I can give and receive is to believe in someone. I like pearls. Karaoke terrifies me right to my core. I drive a silver Elantra. I was injured while sky diving. I am going to Hawaii in May. And I am single.
I am single.
I am single.
I am single!
Why is it that no matter what I say about myself that one always seem to come across the loudest?
Or maybe it is the "oh..." followed by the awkward silence that is the loudest?
You know what I am talking about. You meet up with some old friends, or you meet a friend of a friend, or you are surrounded by extended relatives, it doesn't really matter with whom or where, the question will always come up. It's never asked in exactly the same way, that would be far too blunt and obvious. They always try to sneak it in rather casually, and usually they succeed. The problem is not the question. I am use to it. I know it is coming. And in a culture where everything seems to revolve around families and eternal companions, trust me I am not shocked when the question leaves your mouth. Truthfully it's not the question that I dread but what follows...
"Oh."
Silence.
Awkward Silence.
Pity look.
Then one of two things happens. 1) I give in and end up explaining why I am ok with being single, how I am happy with my life, progressing, moving forward, reassuring them that 'when the time is right' (or some equally cliche phrase) I will find that special someone, I just know it. Or 2) they end up feeling the need to explain why I am ok even though I am single, that I am happy, progressing and moving forward with my life, and that I don't need anyone to be happy. Then they end by reassuring me that who ever does catch me will be one lucky guy (this could also be substituted with many other cliche phrases).
Sometimes I wonder if it would be less awkward and painful to explain to someone that I was dying from some incurable disease instead of why I am still single. I imagine the conversation would go like this:
'I have an incurable disease, I will die within the next six months.'
'Oh no! That is terrible. I am so sorry for you. That must be so difficult for you! I can't even imagine what that would be like. There must be something I can do to help you out in this horrible situation.'
Less awkward? Yes. Very much so. In truth the only difference here is that they can actually say what they are thinking. When they hear that I am single you know they want to say 'Oh no! That is terrible. I am so sorry for you. That must be so difficult for you! I can't even imagine what that would be like. There must be something I can do to help you out in this horrible situation.' How inappropriate would that be? So instead I get the awkward silence. That awkward silence that is saying, 'I have so much to say but I can't say any of it, so I will just sit here and not say anything.' They feel uncomfortable, and I am left to reassure them that I am alright after all.
Looks like in the end the incurable disease is in fact comparable to singleness. Maybe when the inevitable question comes I should be more understanding of those asking the question, I mean hearing that your friend who you love and care for has an incurable disease... I mean, is single, can be hard, it can really rock your foundation. That must be hard and uncomfortable for you. ; )
